Asperger Mom

We exchanged our family gifts before our vacation so we could travel to where it was warm … we even had a white
Christmas (and now our area is snowed in.) I’m wondering if we’ll be able to fly home. But why sweat the small stuff, I am here to enjoy myself.

So I wanted to share some favorite Christmas quotes for your holiday:

Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful. ~Norman Vincent Peale

Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you’re home. ~Carol Nelson

He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree. ~Roy L. Smith

Christmas, children, is not a date. It is a state of mind. ~Mary Ellen Chase

I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round, as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys. ~Charles Dickens

Christmas is the gentlest, loveliest festival of the revolving year - and yet, for all that, when it speaks, its voice has strong authority. ~W.J. Cameron

Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time. ~Laura Ingalls Wilder

May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through! ~Author Unknown

I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. ~Charles Dickens

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall. ~Larry Wilde, The Merry Book of Christmas

Christmas is the season for kindling the fire of hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the heart. ~Washington Irving

I hope you all enjoy your time with family, friends or loved ones. I am looking forward to the new year and to my children growing older and wiser each day.

I am counting the days till the launch of my non-profit organization and my new website.

I will be spending the remained of 2008 enjoying my husband and children and working together on some creative artwork. I’ll be painting and taking pictures of palm trees and desert rock formations, making cookies and candies, singing Christmas carols along with Il Divo and making homemade pastas and sauces.

My oldest turned eighteen on December 18th, I sure don’t feel old enough … I guess that’s the beauty of not growing up!

Our family took off from the north (where it had snowed) and headed south for our vacation. Now our last adventure together was not a screaming success. I infact was just whinning to my therapist (every Aspie Mom needs a good one of those) about my fear of heading out on a twelve day family vacation…

Our first day in the southern California desert was rainy and our room at the resort looked out onto the “lazy river”

I thought my son just might explode before we could get into the pools.

As luck would have it - the very next day was sunny and warm. He was a little off his routine so he was all over the place asking repeatedly if we would get in the pool…

Now four days into the trip = I’m actually enjoying myself. He has found a new routine that works for him and has calmed (as long as each day involves swimming or floating the lazy river).

Yes my friends, there is a santa claus and he enabled us to go on a family vacation together and ENJOY each others company!

Happy Holidays to you and your families!

I really need to pay attention better! My little guy is GROWING UP, ouch… Does that mean I have to also?

I went to shop for some clothing for him, as he is growing like a weed. And I hadn’t realized that ten year olds don’t wear superhero clothing any longer. I got him a few T-shirts since we’ll be spending the holidays in the California desert. He informed me that he couldn’t wear the Incredible Hulk or Superheros.

How did he grow up so fast?

Now he tries to act cool so other kids will like him. He has a poster in his bedroom - that he picked out. It is of the joker from the new batman movie and it hangs right across from his bed (so he sees it while he is lying in his bed.)

My daughter informed me the other day that he told her it gives him nightmares when he sleeps.

I said, “So why doesn’t he take it down?”

“He wants other kids to see it and think he’s cool.”

I just don’t get it! Why do they have to grow up so fast? I don’t dare let him know that his sissy told me he is afraid of it. He would be upset with her.

It’s just amazing to me how much our children worry about what others think about them. I wish I could ease their pain and pressure that society places on them.

Any other parents out there SCARED that their little ones are growing up right before their eyes?

My son is very difficult to buy for! He is ten now and will get very upset &/or cry if you purchase the wrong thing.

It makes for trying times at birthday or holidays! I really wasn’t sure what to get him this year. He and his sister have collections so I bought them both some items for their collections. I also adopted an animal in each of their names at our local zoo so they received a package with picture, stuffed animal, etc. Then as a family we made donations to an organization who is giving toys and food to children who have been orphaned by AIDS/HIV in South Africa. So we have made a few donations together and been able to talk about those less fortunate than ourselves.

As far as toys I was at a loss. So I decided to buy him a gift card and let him select things himself. He really likes video
games and I can’t buy those for him…?

So he found out that we were giving him money/gift card and was sad he wanted me to get him a toy.

So I asked, “What toys do you like?” There was a long pause. “If you can’t even come up with one, how am I supposed to
shop for you?” I asked.

He listed a few, so I decided I would try to pick up a little something. How about you all - any children who are difficult to shop for?

I’ll be travelling with me family for a few weeks and away from the computer so I may not be able to post for a while.

Merry Christmas to all from Asperger Mom! Happy Hannukha and Kwanza … may each of you have wonderful times together with family and friends!

It’s times like these when us Asperger Mommies want to shout from the mountains: I’m so happy!

Over Thanksgiving while visiting my 90-year-old grandparents my son actually pulled me aside to ask me why Great-grampie sometimes sounded funny when he spoke. I got the opportunity to explain that he had a stroke and his speech was sometimes hard to understand.

On yet a second occasion he went outside with me to walk the pup and said to me (instead of saying it out loud to his Great-grandparents) “Why don’t they turn the heat down, I said I was really HOT?” Again, he gave me the opportunity to explain that they don’t have good circulation anymore and get REALLY cold. I also told him that dad and I and sissy were also very hot, but we just came outside with the dog when it was too much for us.

I was so proud of him for learning better communication!

Later, when I spoke to my mother she said that my grandma had called and told her that my son was very nice and they really enjoyed visiting with him!

Hoooray! We hadn’t been down there in awhile because the children’s noise and activity could often wear out my poor grandparents.

How about you, have any of you had to limit visits to relatives because they are overwhelmed?

My Aspie son loves Thanksgiving: ham, turkey, corn, rolls, beans, pies…

THis is one of his favorite recipes:

CORN CASSEROLE - made on stovetop

3 (11-ounce) cans white shoepeg corn, drained
½ cup (1 stick) butter
1 (8-ounce) package cream cheese
Salt and freshly ground pepper to taste

DIRECTIONS
Cook on the stovetop until cheese is melted and pour into dish to serve.

And then there is:

Frozen Fruit Salad

INGREDIENTS (Nutrition)
1/2 cup white sugar
2 cups water
1 (6 ounce) can frozen orange juice concentrate, thawed
1 (6 ounce) can frozen lemonade concentrate, thawed
4 bananas, sliced
1 (20 ounce) can crushed pineapple with juice
1 (10 ounce) package frozen strawberries, thawed

DIRECTIONS
Dissolve sugar in the water. Add orange juice, lemonade, bananas, crushed pineapple with juice, strawberries and mix well. Pour into 9×13 inch glass pan. Freeze until solid. When ready to serve, let it sit out for about 5 minutes before attempting to cut.

Enjoy your day of baking or eating I’ll have more stories for you after we get back in town!

As Thanksgiving approaches, I think about all that I am Thankfull for. Just a few years ago, my son had a tooth pick rammed into his food while jumping from couch to couch. His obsessive compulsive cleaning of the wound helped it heal quickly and he didn’t have to go to the doctor!

This year we are making a trip to my grandparents (both 90 years old.) It’s been a while since we have been down so the family and puppy will be driving to their home with a ham and a turkey breast and potato casserole…

In honor of Thanksgiving I am going to post some of my favorite quotes:

One can pay back the loan of gold, but one dies forever in debt to those who are kind. ~Malayan Proverb

Unselfish and noble actions are the most radiant pages in the biography of souls. ~David Thomas

Not what we give,
But what we share,
For the gift
without the giver
Is bare.
~James Russell Lowell

Silent gratitude isn’t much use to anyone. ~G.B. Stern

I can no other answer make, but, thanks, and thanks. ~William Shakespeare

The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you. ~John E. Southard

I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder. ~G.K. Chesterton

I would thank you from the bottom of my heart, but for you my heart has no bottom. ~Author Unknown

The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention. ~Oscar Wilde

Gratitude is the memory of the heart. ~Jean Baptiste Massieu, translated from French

How far that little candle throws his beams!
So shines a good deed in a weary world.
~William Shakespeare

It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice. ~Author Unknown

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. ~Mark Twain

How beautiful a day can be
When kindness touches it!
~George Elliston

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures. ~Thornton Wilder

A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all other virtues.
– Cicero

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.
– Albert Schweitzer

Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.
– Oprah Winfrey

Gratitude is something of which none of us can give too much. For on the smiles, the thanks we give, our little gestures of appreciation, our neighbors build their philosophy of life.
– A. J. Cronin

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.
– Melody Beattie

Have a VERY HAPPY THANKSGIVING to all!

I’ve often thought the melt-downs of an Asperger child are much like the changes seen in Dr. Jekkyl and Mr. Hyde.

Two days ago my son had the melt-down of all melt-downs, reminiscent of days past when he was on medications. AAaaaaaahhhh! BUT, one bright side, I managed to head off any major damages to anything or anyone and it ended rather quickly and we had a discussion about it.

It revolved around sibling issues: big sis is older and she gets more privileges and she got a privilege that he didn’t.

He called me from a friends house and asked if the friend could spend the night. This particular child is VERY noisy with a capital “V” and eats quite a large amount … very frequently. He is also rough and gets my son going and they are noisy together.

We the parents of this democracy instituted a rule = NO sleep overs while the house is for sale!

So I told him no, he didn’t like to hear no, he called again … and again … and then had his friend call me … and I became more frustrated and still said, “NO!”

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, big sis wanted to know if she could have her best friend sleep over. I told her yes because her birthday is right around the corner and she never, I mean NEVER, has anyone over (something to do with a silly little clingy brother who likes to pester she and her friends…).

I picked up my son, and he admitted that this friend was noisy and he had grown tired of hearing the noise and wanted to come home to peace and quiet.

As I was breaking it to him that his sister was having a friend over, he was doing Okay with it … and then the nightmare began. Out of nowhere, big sis answers the phone and says, “Mom, can I go over to her house, she got a new game for her Wii…”

Now we have had this discussion a million times, please don’t ask me anything in front of your brother so I can head off a major melt-down. I told her yes and before I could turn to tell him I would play video games with him, etc.

He launched into a complete break-down melt-down. “Nnnnooooooo, she can’t go.” He began pushing the chairs into the table, slamming silverware into the table… I am doing a little dance to grab the vase of roses off the table and get them to safety on the counter, then get the knife out of his hands that is digging chunks out of the oak table … as he is lunging toward her.

I instruct her to leave the room as I try to get him under control. She tries to come back and tell him something (that only makes matters worse) and I yell at her to leave the room.

I’m trying to hold Dr. Jekkyl and ask him not to hurt anything or anyone. Princess the poor puppy is cowering in a corner. He comes running toward me and I ducked sideways before he could make contact with my knees.

After a while, he calms (it seemed like 15 minutes had gone by - but it was luckily just a few) he decides maybe it would be okay to have mom and dad all to himself. As I pulled the brownies out of the over, he gets the idea that we could go to the ice cream shop to get some to go with the brownies.

Big mistake, big mouth sis was listening and says, “You can drop me off when you go for ice cream.”

“Please, but out!” I reply

“She’s not got for ice cream!” He shouts.

We finally managed to drop her at her friends house and we went out for yummy ice cream! Man those irrational fears of being alone, going to sleep without your sister on the other side of your bedroom wall, really get old at times.

Ever have one of those Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde moments with your child?

I just began a second blog all about Afternoon tea. As a former Tea Room owner I will be sharing tea stories, recipes and pictures from my Tea Room.

My amazing scone recipe will be there soon too…

Thanks for checking it out!

Jan

My husband and I never get away, just the two of us. We’ve always been afraid to leave the kids alone and our parents live 800 and 3000 miles away from us.

Just going out to dinner and a movie alone often causes isses. My son doesn’t like to feel like he is alone and our daughter is often completely oblivious to what is going on around her. Sometimes I feel like I am leaving the poor boy on his own when we leave her in charge. What does a guilty mommy do? She has mommy and son day where we go out for individual time alone.

This has really helped each child understand the importance of time alone with the one you love…

Today I had mommy and sissy day. As a senior in high school she only has four classes: English and three electives. So just after English first period I picked her up for an “appointment”. In this economy, you just have to take advantage of sales (that’s my story/excuse and I’m sticking to it). A really great consignment store in a nearby town was having a fabulous sale: all items you could stuff in a grocery store plastic bag for $10.88. This included shoes, purses, tops, pants, skirts, jackets…

We made it through the door with the first half dozen people and before long there was a mob. We made out like bandits: red wool coat, beige jacket and 3 purses in one bag, 3 purses, 3 scarves, a dress and a pink knit poncho in another bag then a formal gown. It was ALL just over $30.00. My daughter came up with a fabulous saying for the mob mentality: “like lions on an antelope.”

We had a fun lunch and I returned her to school in time for ceramics. What a lovely morning - shopping and lunch is one of my daughter’s favorite dates. My son’s favorite dates involve trips to the video store, zoo, parks, and the flower gardens. Since the children understand the joy of having special alone time with mom or dad - it’s easier to find times when mom and dad can escape together. It seems to have worked like a charm.

How about you: any special dates you have spent with your children in exchange for time away with your special person?

thanks for reading, Jan