Asperger Mom

My Aspie son loves Thanksgiving: ham, turkey, corn, rolls, beans, pies…

THis is one of his favorite recipes:

CORN CASSEROLE - made on stovetop

3 (11-ounce) cans white shoepeg corn, drained
½ cup (1 stick) butter
1 (8-ounce) package cream cheese
Salt and freshly ground pepper to taste

DIRECTIONS
Cook on the stovetop until cheese is melted and pour into dish to serve.

And then there is:

Frozen Fruit Salad

INGREDIENTS (Nutrition)
1/2 cup white sugar
2 cups water
1 (6 ounce) can frozen orange juice concentrate, thawed
1 (6 ounce) can frozen lemonade concentrate, thawed
4 bananas, sliced
1 (20 ounce) can crushed pineapple with juice
1 (10 ounce) package frozen strawberries, thawed

DIRECTIONS
Dissolve sugar in the water. Add orange juice, lemonade, bananas, crushed pineapple with juice, strawberries and mix well. Pour into 9×13 inch glass pan. Freeze until solid. When ready to serve, let it sit out for about 5 minutes before attempting to cut.

Enjoy your day of baking or eating I’ll have more stories for you after we get back in town!

As Thanksgiving approaches, I think about all that I am Thankfull for. Just a few years ago, my son had a tooth pick rammed into his food while jumping from couch to couch. His obsessive compulsive cleaning of the wound helped it heal quickly and he didn’t have to go to the doctor!

This year we are making a trip to my grandparents (both 90 years old.) It’s been a while since we have been down so the family and puppy will be driving to their home with a ham and a turkey breast and potato casserole…

In honor of Thanksgiving I am going to post some of my favorite quotes:

One can pay back the loan of gold, but one dies forever in debt to those who are kind. ~Malayan Proverb

Unselfish and noble actions are the most radiant pages in the biography of souls. ~David Thomas

Not what we give,
But what we share,
For the gift
without the giver
Is bare.
~James Russell Lowell

Silent gratitude isn’t much use to anyone. ~G.B. Stern

I can no other answer make, but, thanks, and thanks. ~William Shakespeare

The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you. ~John E. Southard

I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder. ~G.K. Chesterton

I would thank you from the bottom of my heart, but for you my heart has no bottom. ~Author Unknown

The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention. ~Oscar Wilde

Gratitude is the memory of the heart. ~Jean Baptiste Massieu, translated from French

How far that little candle throws his beams!
So shines a good deed in a weary world.
~William Shakespeare

It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice. ~Author Unknown

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. ~Mark Twain

How beautiful a day can be
When kindness touches it!
~George Elliston

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures. ~Thornton Wilder

A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all other virtues.
– Cicero

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.
– Albert Schweitzer

Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.
– Oprah Winfrey

Gratitude is something of which none of us can give too much. For on the smiles, the thanks we give, our little gestures of appreciation, our neighbors build their philosophy of life.
– A. J. Cronin

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.
– Melody Beattie

Have a VERY HAPPY THANKSGIVING to all!

I’ve often thought the melt-downs of an Asperger child are much like the changes seen in Dr. Jekkyl and Mr. Hyde.

Two days ago my son had the melt-down of all melt-downs, reminiscent of days past when he was on medications. AAaaaaaahhhh! BUT, one bright side, I managed to head off any major damages to anything or anyone and it ended rather quickly and we had a discussion about it.

It revolved around sibling issues: big sis is older and she gets more privileges and she got a privilege that he didn’t.

He called me from a friends house and asked if the friend could spend the night. This particular child is VERY noisy with a capital “V” and eats quite a large amount … very frequently. He is also rough and gets my son going and they are noisy together.

We the parents of this democracy instituted a rule = NO sleep overs while the house is for sale!

So I told him no, he didn’t like to hear no, he called again … and again … and then had his friend call me … and I became more frustrated and still said, “NO!”

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, big sis wanted to know if she could have her best friend sleep over. I told her yes because her birthday is right around the corner and she never, I mean NEVER, has anyone over (something to do with a silly little clingy brother who likes to pester she and her friends…).

I picked up my son, and he admitted that this friend was noisy and he had grown tired of hearing the noise and wanted to come home to peace and quiet.

As I was breaking it to him that his sister was having a friend over, he was doing Okay with it … and then the nightmare began. Out of nowhere, big sis answers the phone and says, “Mom, can I go over to her house, she got a new game for her Wii…”

Now we have had this discussion a million times, please don’t ask me anything in front of your brother so I can head off a major melt-down. I told her yes and before I could turn to tell him I would play video games with him, etc.

He launched into a complete break-down melt-down. “Nnnnooooooo, she can’t go.” He began pushing the chairs into the table, slamming silverware into the table… I am doing a little dance to grab the vase of roses off the table and get them to safety on the counter, then get the knife out of his hands that is digging chunks out of the oak table … as he is lunging toward her.

I instruct her to leave the room as I try to get him under control. She tries to come back and tell him something (that only makes matters worse) and I yell at her to leave the room.

I’m trying to hold Dr. Jekkyl and ask him not to hurt anything or anyone. Princess the poor puppy is cowering in a corner. He comes running toward me and I ducked sideways before he could make contact with my knees.

After a while, he calms (it seemed like 15 minutes had gone by - but it was luckily just a few) he decides maybe it would be okay to have mom and dad all to himself. As I pulled the brownies out of the over, he gets the idea that we could go to the ice cream shop to get some to go with the brownies.

Big mistake, big mouth sis was listening and says, “You can drop me off when you go for ice cream.”

“Please, but out!” I reply

“She’s not got for ice cream!” He shouts.

We finally managed to drop her at her friends house and we went out for yummy ice cream! Man those irrational fears of being alone, going to sleep without your sister on the other side of your bedroom wall, really get old at times.

Ever have one of those Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde moments with your child?

I just began a second blog all about Afternoon tea. As a former Tea Room owner I will be sharing tea stories, recipes and pictures from my Tea Room.

My amazing scone recipe will be there soon too…

Thanks for checking it out!

Jan

My husband and I never get away, just the two of us. We’ve always been afraid to leave the kids alone and our parents live 800 and 3000 miles away from us.

Just going out to dinner and a movie alone often causes isses. My son doesn’t like to feel like he is alone and our daughter is often completely oblivious to what is going on around her. Sometimes I feel like I am leaving the poor boy on his own when we leave her in charge. What does a guilty mommy do? She has mommy and son day where we go out for individual time alone.

This has really helped each child understand the importance of time alone with the one you love…

Today I had mommy and sissy day. As a senior in high school she only has four classes: English and three electives. So just after English first period I picked her up for an “appointment”. In this economy, you just have to take advantage of sales (that’s my story/excuse and I’m sticking to it). A really great consignment store in a nearby town was having a fabulous sale: all items you could stuff in a grocery store plastic bag for $10.88. This included shoes, purses, tops, pants, skirts, jackets…

We made it through the door with the first half dozen people and before long there was a mob. We made out like bandits: red wool coat, beige jacket and 3 purses in one bag, 3 purses, 3 scarves, a dress and a pink knit poncho in another bag then a formal gown. It was ALL just over $30.00. My daughter came up with a fabulous saying for the mob mentality: “like lions on an antelope.”

We had a fun lunch and I returned her to school in time for ceramics. What a lovely morning - shopping and lunch is one of my daughter’s favorite dates. My son’s favorite dates involve trips to the video store, zoo, parks, and the flower gardens. Since the children understand the joy of having special alone time with mom or dad - it’s easier to find times when mom and dad can escape together. It seems to have worked like a charm.

How about you: any special dates you have spent with your children in exchange for time away with your special person?

thanks for reading, Jan

Our son has some pretty awesome impulsivity - like nothing I’ve ever seen before. It shows pretty amazing determination - I’m just hoping to help him learn to channel it in positive directions. Once he begins an action, he has to follow it through to completion. This includes things that he may know are wrong … he just can’t stop.

We placed our home for sale in April. Before we listed it on the market there were numerous holes in the wall and in the hollow core doors that had to be replaced or fixed. We purchased new solid wood six-panel doors and stained them to replace the 70’s versions that were hollow. Even the front door was replaced with a beautiful new one with stained glass. We only kept the house on for a few months and then decided the market just wasn’t good.

Now we have decided to drop our price and just try to sell, so we can build on some land (for lots of animals and nature of course).

One of the reasons for the brand new front door was one of these acts of impulsivity - our son rammed his bicycle against the front door
until it split the door frame, even after he was asked numerous times to go ride his bicycle.

He was bored and was channeling his energy into bouncing the tire off the door. I went to the door many times asking him to go ride … you can guess the rest.

Now six months after we first listed our home for sale, we have found a few 5 acre lots and a 2 acre lot in the city limits that we are interested in purchasing. So we have once again put our house back up for sale. As I was driving away from the house for our realtor to have a brokers open house, I was dismayed to see that the front door (NEW, freshly painted) has a few black bicycle tire smudges near the bottom and close to a hundred dents that are handle bar height.

My mantra for the day is, “Please sell this house, before the children destroy it”

Have any of you had any destructive moments during meltdowns or have your children shown intense impulsivity?

Thanks for reading!

My children and I love to watch muppet movies. One of our favorite lines from one of the movies is, “A bear in his natural habitat - a studabaker.” We still laugh every time we hear it.

I am convinced that an Aspie’s natural habitat is one surrounded by animals, flowers, or nature in general! When life is chaotic, we decide to make a trip to our friends farm. Out in the field surrounded by Alpacas of every color, hearing them humm, is so relaxing. You lose every care in the world.

Our son has developed a special bond with one alpaca, named Frankie. Whenever our boy visits , Frankie comes running. Frankie is deaf and they seem to have formed a very special bond. They can be seen standing in the field, Frankie sniffing our son’s hair and our son gently scratching Frankie’s back. Our son also has a favorite dog on the farm, Dutcher. Dutcher follows him around the entire time we are there, hearding him, and loves to play fetch with a stick. It is truly amazing to watch all the axieties of my son’s world disappear when we are on the farm.

He would have stayed right there in the field with Frankie if he could have. He was also ready to take a sleeping bag and live in the barn - anything to stay with his new friends.

Our family likes to take many little long weekend trips and often this change in our son’s routine can throw him into a tizzy. We purchased a timeshare a few years back and since we live in Washington state we often head up to Victoria, British Columbia. This requires a two hour drive from our home and then a one and a half hour ferry ride. Meltdowns have occurred in the car and on the ferry…

It is becoming easier the more times we go to the same place, since he is familiar and there is more of a “routine-nature” to the trip. It still becomes such a chore for me that it often loses the fun factor, since I have to monitor everyone elses moods and emotions. If he doesn’t understand why mom, dad, or sissy are brooding about something, then he reacts to that with a meltdown. Controlling the emotions of all involved is tiresome. I’m often asking myself (or verbalizing it out loud to my husband) “Why does it have to be so difficult to travel with the children?”

This Christmas holiday we have decided to take a family trip down to southern California - just a little over a two hour flight. I can tell our son is a little nervous about flying since it has been a number of years since he has been on an airplane. It’s something new that we are going to have to help him brave.

Any suggestions or ideas on how to coax & encourage him into enjoying the flight so he doesn’t make himself so nervous he throws up?

Any other stories of nightmare travels with Aspie children?

Thanks for reading!

Does your Aspie child have sleeping issues?

In addition to routines, routines, routines … we have troubles when it is time to go to sleep. It begins when we say it’s 8:30, time to go to bed. He heads for the bed, I tuck him in, we read, we pray, we hug… Then he needs another hug, some water, he’s hungry, he wants to go to the bathroom, he needs to hear that you will stay up until he falls asleep…

Then he is back in our bedroom, “Can you tuck me in again?” or “There’s a spider.”

So mom or dad come to kill the spider … but he needs to see the evidence. If you just happened to squish it against the wall and it fell to the carpet, it is necessary to produce the carcass…?

We have tried everything and anything. He has had numerous night lights, we are currently leaving the hall light on, but he often has nighttime meltdowns when he feels like he is ALL ALONE.

Anyone else have similar problems getting their Aspie children to sleep? Any solutions or suggestions, what is working for you?

Since my husband’s Birthday is on Halloween, my little guy who is ten has never been trick-or-treating. We live in Washington state and have the most beautiful coast line. Our family really enjoys going to the beach in the winter month so we have often spent Halloween on the coast.

This year our little guy wanted to go trick-or-treating. This mom headed to the store to find the costume he wanted since my sewing machine decided after twenty years it doesn’t want to work anymore. I found, what I thought to be a suitable substitute for the costume he had asked for. He arrived home from school and came racing into me extremely upset. He wasn’t happy with what I had purchased. He threw it at me, yelled and screamed and then told me he’d gotten in trouble at school.

I knew his frustration was not over the costume, so I quietly set it aside and asked him to go to his room to think about his yelling (since he was giving me a headache). A little while later he returned saying he was sorry and that he really did like his costume. His best friend had been in a fight and he joined in so he’d been sent to the principals office as well. He has to work so hard at school and when he’s away from home to NOT have a meltdown, that he often explodes when he gets home. He becomes very emotional and doesn’t EVER want people to see him cry. So I am constantly telling him it is alright, nobody noticed, it’s okay…

Finally, Friday came around and he said he needed a black shirt to wear under the cape. We headed to the store and he decided he wasn’t sure if his costume would be okay. I assured him that it would be dark outside … but he was so nervous that other’s wouldn’t like his costume. He found another one in his size that he liked better. I told him I’d already purchased this costume and it was going to be perfect. I even bought safety pins to pin his cape shut so it would cover his clothing entirely. Then he was nervous that the safety pins would be seen … I told him I was really good and would do it from the inside and NOBODY would be able to tell.

He had $35.00, so he said he would buy the new costume. This upset me a little bit so I told him that I had already spent money, but if that was his choice he could do it. I continued my shopping and he thought about it and thought about it and luckily came to the right decision that he didn’t want to spend his money he had been saving for Christmas vacation on a second costume (Hurray for small miracles)

We fixed up his costume and he was pleasantly surprised that ‘ole mom really was a good seamstress and he liked the way it looked. Then he began getting nervous.

“Mom, my stomach hurts.”

“Are you just a little anxious about trick-or-treating?” I asked.

“No, I am too sick to go…I can’t spend the night either.”

I told him if he didn’t want to go he didn’t have to, but reminded him that many times he’s been nervous about going places and he always did okay and enjoyed himself. He said he was going to throw up (and he actually used to do this every morning before school, this was not something I wanted to repeat or begin again)…

His friend arrived and we managed to take the two of them trick-or-treating and he had a grand time! He even spent the night with his friend afterwards.

It almost broke my little heart (and my daughter’s) when we picked him up the next morning and he hugged his friend good-bye :o)

Do any of your children have major fears that limit their activities?