Nov 01 2008
Those pesky irrational fears…
Since my husband’s Birthday is on Halloween, my little guy who is ten has never been trick-or-treating. We live in Washington state and have the most beautiful coast line. Our family really enjoys going to the beach in the winter month so we have often spent Halloween on the coast.
This year our little guy wanted to go trick-or-treating. This mom headed to the store to find the costume he wanted since my sewing machine decided after twenty years it doesn’t want to work anymore. I found, what I thought to be a suitable substitute for the costume he had asked for. He arrived home from school and came racing into me extremely upset. He wasn’t happy with what I had purchased. He threw it at me, yelled and screamed and then told me he’d gotten in trouble at school.
I knew his frustration was not over the costume, so I quietly set it aside and asked him to go to his room to think about his yelling (since he was giving me a headache). A little while later he returned saying he was sorry and that he really did like his costume. His best friend had been in a fight and he joined in so he’d been sent to the principals office as well. He has to work so hard at school and when he’s away from home to NOT have a meltdown, that he often explodes when he gets home. He becomes very emotional and doesn’t EVER want people to see him cry. So I am constantly telling him it is alright, nobody noticed, it’s okay…
Finally, Friday came around and he said he needed a black shirt to wear under the cape. We headed to the store and he decided he wasn’t sure if his costume would be okay. I assured him that it would be dark outside … but he was so nervous that other’s wouldn’t like his costume. He found another one in his size that he liked better. I told him I’d already purchased this costume and it was going to be perfect. I even bought safety pins to pin his cape shut so it would cover his clothing entirely. Then he was nervous that the safety pins would be seen … I told him I was really good and would do it from the inside and NOBODY would be able to tell.
He had $35.00, so he said he would buy the new costume. This upset me a little bit so I told him that I had already spent money, but if that was his choice he could do it. I continued my shopping and he thought about it and thought about it and luckily came to the right decision that he didn’t want to spend his money he had been saving for Christmas vacation on a second costume (Hurray for small miracles)
We fixed up his costume and he was pleasantly surprised that ‘ole mom really was a good seamstress and he liked the way it looked. Then he began getting nervous.
“Mom, my stomach hurts.”
“Are you just a little anxious about trick-or-treating?” I asked.
“No, I am too sick to go…I can’t spend the night either.”
I told him if he didn’t want to go he didn’t have to, but reminded him that many times he’s been nervous about going places and he always did okay and enjoyed himself. He said he was going to throw up (and he actually used to do this every morning before school, this was not something I wanted to repeat or begin again)…
His friend arrived and we managed to take the two of them trick-or-treating and he had a grand time! He even spent the night with his friend afterwards.
It almost broke my little heart (and my daughter’s) when we picked him up the next morning and he hugged his friend good-bye :o)
Do any of your children have major fears that limit their activities?
4 Responses to “Those pesky irrational fears…”
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My daughter, who does not have any conditions or syndromes, is often afraid of almost anything. Stress also hits her right in the stomach nearly every time. However, she has largely overcome her worst fears by addressing them head on and/or preparing for the worst so that, when less than the worst happens, she handles it easily.
My son appears to be afraid of nothing.
When my first husband and I divorced, my daughter was subject to nightmares frequently, so I crocheted her a “nightmare blanket” that would keep them at bay. It worked like a charm for years.
An irrational talisman might be a good cure for irrational fears.
What a fabulous idea! My son already has his Spirit Stones, maybe these could help at bedtime!
The only downside is that it needs to be available at bedtime everytime. If it gets dirty or soiled, it has to be washed and ready by bedtime. If he sleeps over elsewhere, it needs to be ready to go with him and return.
My son had a bear that played music that we had to replace multiple times (and bought spares) so that we’d be covered, even in his soiling his bedding phases. He has a quilt he ALWAYS sleeps with that we have to track down before bed because he loves to take it places and curl up with it even during the day (He’s left it in the dryer, the washing machine, etc.).
But, if you can do that, it can not only provide comfort and protection against fears, it can be a going-to-bed talisman. You can keep getting this and that, but, once you’re tucked in with THIS blanket, it’s time to sleep.